Tales of the wanton snapper teer ...

It’s not always about me.
Really.
I mostly talk about other people when I am having a conversation with friends.
People don't notice it much, but I don't put much emphasis on myself.

I don't find myself interesting at all.

To me, the people around me are more fascinating.
Their though process.
Their motivation.
Their feelings.
It all paints a story that is foreign and exotic.
In my minds eye, I see volumes upon volumes of unread chapters that intrigue me.

Of course they don't agree with me on that matter as well.

So here is another chapter of someone else’s life on a still image.

Hope you enjoy it.

I aim to behave ...

They are two men that stand out when I think about being a fan for.
One is Captain Malcolm Reynolds.
The other is Angel.

Both of which are now staring in the shows that I love to watch now whenever I get the time.
And those are Bones and Castle.

The reason why I like watching these shows is because the actors are portraying things which speak to me personally.

For instance the opening episode for second season of Castle spoke about a simple fact which I have known for a long time.
Men don’t apologize.
We don't like to.
Somewhere sometime when our genes were assembled, we got it into our programming that apologizing is a symptom of weakness.
It’s better to ignore that weakness and focus on the problem that is being shared by that weakness.

Whenever I make a mistake or something that gets my wife mad at me, I tend to turn the table around and ensure that I end up in the high ground.

As a matter of fact, I tend to do it for everything that I do that ends up being a mess.

Its not that I don't acknowledge that I am the cause of the mess in the first place, but I just won't knowingly apologize for it.

The question that begs to be asked is then "Why not?"

I can't really answer it for every other person but for me personally, it just that I am angry that I made the mistake and apologizing is like pouring salt over the wound and then grinding it further in with my own foot.
Imagine that pain and multiply it by ten.
Really.

But I have also learned humility through the years due to my arrogance of that nature.
I might first react as a total ass when people find out about my mistake, but in a short amount of time later, I would actually man up and bite the bullet.
I will always apologize for my mistake.

This is maybe why I still have a wife who would tolerate my arrogant ass.

I am still training myself to not react so defensively when people find out that I am mistaken, sometimes I actually manage to catch it before I make a fool of myself.
But most of the time I don't which makes the apology that comes after that all the more harder.

Its harder for me and the person that I apology to.

Harder for me because I would have to find a lot more sincerity within myself in order to let the other party understand that I am genuinely sorry for what I did.

Harder for them because instead of forgiving me for one mistake, they will have to search deeper in their heart to forgive me on two subjects that I have hurt them with.

Mistakes hurt both us and others at the same time.
The pain is stabbed straight into our hearts and it takes a lot of love to forgive.

We are not saints.
But I do believe that in our soul there is enough of something that might allow us to be a better person.

I am happy that Bones and Castle are back on air.
Maybe I might just learn a little bit more on how to become less of a jerk and more of a better man that I wholly wish to be.

Life can be perfect ...

Only in bones will you have a someone visit a funeral wake only to discover a murder situation.

And only in bones will you have the said someone abduct the body to conduct an autopsy and then later find to be poisoned and killed by a cup of tea.

Watching bones is one of the simpler things that I do to destress.

That or going to the arcades.

Zombie shooting games are the bomb.

Am still in the mist of my holiday.
As a matter of fact, I am typing this in San Francisco Cafe near my place.
Its one of the areas where you get free power to run your notebook while enjoying green tea.

Its also quite a nice place to watch movies while sipping green tea as well.

Now you know what I do in my holidays.

Now all I need is some very nice looking ladies to waltz past me and give me those knowing smiles.

Life is then perfect.

Fringe is back ...

Thats all I have to say.

Am currently having a long holiday.
So I won't be posting must.

Will put interesting stuff up if I can.

i-snap-pictures will be on hold for a week and then its back to normal.

I have plenty of new stuff to put up.
Hope you enjoy it.

Back to chores.

They look so real ...

She is in one of the windows I walk pass when I go to work.
Every time I pass her, I stop and stare for a while.
I know she is not real.
She is just a mannequin.
Just a display ornament.

But there is something different to me.
Her eyes though deprive of life seem to sparkle all the same.
I half expect her to just stand up and wink at me sometimes.

If I were to gauge facial beauty, she would be the standard I set.

You might think me weird.
Even a little insane.
But she does fit the image that I have for such things.

Have you noticed?
I said her.
To me she is my Mona Lisa.

Catching doodles ...

Postings have been slightly sparse mainly due to the fact that I am STILL tied up with work.

Plus the occasional issues like my in-laws getting minor strokes that took me away for days, if not weeks.

I say it like so as if I am merely an observer.
A stranger.

It’s easier I suppose to deal with things when we don't put ourselves within the circle.

Much like the doctors that attended us.

Aloof.
Distant.
Cold.

It’s their defense mechanism.
The line that enables them to function day in day out without actually loosing their sanity.

The kind of stress that they shoulder is heavy enough without complicating it with actual attachment to their patients.

Yet we can't help but feel that they don't care.
It’s just about the money.
Maybe.

Does it matter?
We are there only for the duration of our need.
Once we are done, we go.
Detaching ourselves from the chemical contortions for medication.
And the chilling corridors of white walls.

We don't much care for them as well, it seems.
Why should they care for us?

Bollocks on the part that says it’s their profession.
Professionalisms merely indicates that they have the know how to perform the task given to them.
It’s the passion that is required of them and it’s the passion that will eventually kill them as well.

We ask so much of them.
And we give back so little.

And it’s not just limited to doctors.
It’s the same for every other profession in the world.
Teachers.
Lawyers.
Architects.
Sanitary Personnel’s.
Every one of them.
We attach our "standards" to them and then deem them unworthy of our own compassion.

Human beings are such hypocrites.
Can we ever be more?

Its not green lantern ...

Ok Guys.
This is not your everyday post from me.

I am going to promote this online comic that I found while reading some other online comic.

Its about a girl.
Yes.
A girl.
... she talks about sex.
A lot of sex.
And its bloody funny.

For the faint hearted and the purist, please do not go there.
But if you are curious ...

... well its your funeral.

Here it is.
DAR : A super girly top secret comic diary

I crap you not.
She is funny.
Just don't get too put off by her ... interesting terms.

Hello ...

That’s how it all starts.
A simple word.
As good as any I suppose.

What flows after that is basically up to the person that utters it.

Of recent times, the word has been used by an ex-staff of mine whenever she wants to seek my advice.

She is one of the few staff's that I have which I will remember for a long time.

For one, she is the first female staff that I have under my wing which I actually raised my voice to.
I am still not sure if it was the right thing I did then but my passion got the better of me when I found out that she made a rookie mistake.

When I confronted her about the matter, the brush off attitude on the subject just pushed me over the edge and I scolded her for being stupid.

Now the action itself is not a surprised.
My wife, my friends and my family have known me to behave like so whenever I see them acting like an idiot.
I tend to act like that with the people I keep close to my heart.
But I have never ever done it to anyone that worked under me.
I might raise my voice but I seldom (if ever) tell them that they are an idiot.

Yet that’s what I did to her.

Maybe I cared too much and the line got blurred.

Whatever the reason, it was done and she resigned the next day.
I have never apologized to her for that behavior of mine.
And I have accepted the fact that she will most probably never talk to me again once she leaved the office.

I was wrong.

About 2 years later, I was told that she was married and have given birth to a baby boy.

And the baby boy had my Christian name.
I was surprised.

Really really surprise.

I would not have named my children any name that even resembles someone that had treated me the way I did her.

But she did.

And then about 9 months back I started receiving emails from her.

It started simple.
A simple statement.
"Hello, how are you. I named my son after you".

Yeah.

From then onwards, she would send me a hello mail every month or so.
Telling me about the child’s progress and her family issues.
I gave her my opinion and what I thought she needed to hear.
The conversations were often a series of email exchange that spans between 1 - 2 hours.
And that would be it.

This morning, she wrote me yet another hello mail.
She was having problems with her husband and that she did not know what to do.
The subject itself was rather simple.
She was a Christian and her husband a Taoist.
Before the child was born, they both agreed that the child will be given a choice to choose his religion when he comes to age.
But of recent times, the husband had started to take the child to participate in the Taoist religious rituals.
This of course sparked off the amber that grew into a heated argument.
Hence coming to me for advice.

Before I proceed on, I am still a little perplexed at why people actually come to me for advice.
I mean, this is the girl that I treated quite rudely and for all that is worth, I won't talk to me if I was treated that way.
But they actually come back.
I am pretty sure it’s neither my personality nor my looks that encourages such reactions.

Anyway, after a few emails to and fro I eventually gave her the following email.

I am not sure if you knew or it was just coincidence that you chose to ask me about this but I am born into a family of Christian faith but my mom is actually a Taoist.

I was never baptized when I was born, even though my Christian name was given to me then.
As you already know, it is also my legal name.

My mom and dad never forced me to sway in any directions.
They gave both sides of the teachings to me and I absorbed them both as if it was scripture.
When I say teachings, I mean the fundamentals that are not religious based.
Like honesty, integrity and good will.

I can't tell you if what my parents did is right or wrong.
Given the fact that I might be biased to it as I am the product of their teachings, but I strongly believed that being a Christian is more than just going to Sunday mass or that holding josticks makes me a Taoist.

Of course this is one of the contention points whenever I talk to my fellow Christian friends.
To them, I am still a lost sheep.
To me I am closer to my faith than I have ever known.

So what am I saying here?

I believe that you should love your child and teach him the values which our lord teaches us.
I also believe that in a successful relationship we should discuss all our decisions with our partners and come to a reasonable conclusion.

Know that our faith is not about how well we know our scriptures but how well we live by them.
It’s our communion with the Lord that helps us become someone better than what we are born into.

I have known people who can quote the bible from their finger tips, but walk the path of an unbeliever and I have known people who know nothing of our scriptures but walk the path as shown by our Lord.

It is how we live our lives that we help bring our friends and our love ones closer to God.

As my dad used to say "Preaching by example".

Do I believe in the Buddhist ways?
My answer is that I admire some of their teachings as they sing a certain truth that mirrors the words of our Lord.
But I am my Lords servant because I choose to be so.

I apologize if I sound long winded.
And I might not have answered your question in the manner you were expecting.

Just remember that forcing someone to follow our way does not mean that they will do it willingly or faithfully, regardless of the validity of that choice.

We do it with compassion, understanding and patients.
But most of all, we do it with faith that it will be as the lord wills it.

Talk to you husband, share with him your views.
Seek the balance point.
Do not put your status as the mother to be a convenient point of decision because it will only "taint" the rationale process and make others NOT see what you are trying to convey.

And before you go off in a tangent, remember that your husband agreed to have a Christian name as the child’s legal name.
That (to me personally) shows an act of compromise and understanding from your partner.

No reply came after that.
I am not sure if she got pissed of my answer.
Or that she was too busy.
Only time will tell.

Don't make me chase you ...

Ladies and Gentleman.

The fair and the furlies.

Welcome to the world of the flesh eating numbness that we call the circus of living.



As far as the world knows and that which we mortals understood, life is all about what we do before we kick the provocial bucket.

Huh?
What gives?

Has izchan blown off his fluffy head?
Has it inevitable finally happened?
He is spurting nonsense.
Well, more nonsense than I usually spout.

What’s this all about, you ask?

Everyone knows that THAT is what we get before death.
Hence it is and will always be known as LIFE.

But here you see is where I split hair with you all.

Life is a noun.
A euphemism to capture the essence of our actions.
That action of living.
In which living is the verb, the motion that gives context to the noun.

Most of us see life differently.
That would explain why we live our lives differently as well.
Our point of view varies.
The center of the universe is not the same center of the universe between multiple individuals.

I know and understand that.
Now I just need to be able to apply it whenever I talk to people.

With my current company size cut down to a hand full, it’s imperative that we build a communication platform in which all of us are on the same page.
Without proper communication, the spiral of death will just continue to whirl its deadly knives onto our unprotected minds.
Take note that I mention the word communication twice.
I did not use the word talk.
I did not say management.

I said co-mu-ni-ca-tion.

The art of communicating is the ability to share our ideas with others in the most accurate manner possible in the context that both parties are familiar with.
They have to see what we see in order for proper communication to be achieved.

It’s much harder than it seems.
Some people have the knack for it.
They spin a few words together and "Wham!!" everyone gets it.
Some spend hours talking and nothing gets through.
That later example would be me.

I can't seem to say things in the form which others can grasp instantly.
Take for instance this posting.
Why in the world did I go through so many senseless bush whacking just so I can tell people that "Life itself is simple, it’s the Living that gets complicated"

Would it have been easier to just say that phrase?
In my mind, if I were to say that, it would almost be like telling people about the energy transference theory without giving them all the specifics.

So I wove some relevant facts together that sounded interesting.
Then paint it in bright yellow to give it some shine.
And lastly push it into the oven and give it its crispy finishing.

Does it work?

Sometimes.
There are those which can't grasp my words at all.
They see me as a rambling old man that won't shut up.
And I agree with them too.

I talk too much.
But I don't communicate well.
The art of singing to the heart is somewhat lost to me whenever I actively seek it.
This is why I stopped actively seeking it.

Made a choice.
Planned a path.
And I am going to walk that thorny line between what’s right and what’s necessary.

Good night people.
It is 12AM.
Thank you for listening.