I am not who you think I am ...

I find the strange thing about me is that I am very much unsure of who I am whenever I ask the question myself.

Or course the people around me would vehemently deny that it is not possible and that I am merely pulling their leg on this, I assure that I am not as "confident" as I look.

I know generally what I want in life.
I know almost how I wish to achieve it.
But I do not know who I am in full "money back guarantee" scenarios.

For instance, if I am to be asked if I will willingly sacrifice myself for the greater good, I would actually pause and ask "how much of greater good are we talking about here?"

Does that mean I am a selfish bastard?
Or does it merely indicate me as a pragmatic individual that do not believe in wasteful usage of ones limited resource?

I don't know.

I am not sure if I would run to the middle of the road just to save a child.
I am not sure if I can even run into a burning building to save another life.
I definitely know that I won't jump into the pool to save a drowning person as I don't know how to swim.
What does that say about me?

I am no hero.
Do not wish to be.
Never want to be.
Yet, that is what others expect of me whenever there is a burning building in the vicinity.
They look at me and their eyes say "Why are you still standing here?"

Why are you looking at me?
I don't save lives.
I advice them to buy proper insurance and live healthy.
But don't you expect me to jump in and pull you out of every single ash ridden situation you get yourself into.

Yet ... {sigh}

The wandering eye ...

It is a known rule that when one is in a relationship, it is bad taste to be oggling at other people.

Especially if that said partner is standing beside you.

The other word that can be used is being disrespectful to the oggled and the partner.

I agree.

But ...

What if all that we are doing is admiring a piece of art?

As for those who is going to start saying that I am objectifying these people, I can tell you now it is a "yes".

When I say art, I am talking about an Object of Beauty crafted by a master sculptur. So you lower your pitchforks and torches.

I am very honest with myself and those around me. I love my wife with all my heart and soul. But that does not mean I need to abstain from enjoying the beauties that the lord created on earth.

Enjoying is arguably the most open ended word here.

So let me clarify.

Enjoying as in appreciating the work of art via our visual equipment.

To take in the radiant that it emits.

Not to stain it with our impurities.

That is how we saviour the art form of life.

And it doesn't hurt to have an understanding wife that which trust us enough to allow such appreciation.

Its Malaysia day ...

... and I am working.

Why?

Mainly because that's what I am paid to do. And I have a training session with my Singaporean vendor.

Intergrating into the 3rd party system to obtain usable data and pushing money making request into the chain of what is known as online bookings.

This is what we do.

My bread and butter.

or so we are led to believe.

Yet is it trully so?

Something had been brewing behind mind that is telling me something bigger is at play. Or could be brought to play.

My fingers are still seeking a point to stick it.

It's there.

I just need to focus a little more.

Just a little more.

Here is the thing ...

Here is the latest toy that I am really really keen on getting my hands on.
Its not something that I can explain to people other than I am a junkie for gadgets.
I don't buy a lot of them but this year, I told myself that I will be investing my hard earn cash into the android phone and tablets so that I can move into the new era of computing.

I am dead set on getting a android tablet, the only thing stopping me now is which device should I invest on. It was last known to my friends that I would be getting my hands on a Toshiba Thrive but they have delayed their release date in Malaysia for so long that I STILL CAN'T get my hands on one.

Maybe its a blessing in disguise but out of nowhere came the Samsung Tablet 7.7.
This baby has everything that I wanted in a tablet, the power, the size and the capability to expand its internal memory size.

With a whooping  1.4 Dual Core Processor and 8 GB of Internal RAM, it is now one of the coolest device to exist on the market. And the 7.7 inch size is what I have been yearning for the longest time. 8.9 to 10.1 inches range has always been a deterrent point for me.

So hopefully this baby will land on Malaysian shores soon and I can hold it in my hands for the next 2 years as my De facto mobile productivity device.

Bring on the Samsung dope.
I need my gadget addiction fix.