why like this ...

Why call it express pos when it's not 'express' at all?

Where the fates meet ...

Once a while, pretty things flutter my way.
Butterflies that reminds me of the potential beauties that exists within our sphere of life.

It is up to us that decides the fate of such things.
How we interact with them.
What we impress upon their senses.
Whom they grow up to admire.
It's all within our hands.

Yet we fail them so often.
Because it's a constant up hill climb.
A true test of endurance and dedication.
The one that wil break our very faith in all things good and pure.

Thus we climb it.
Praying hard that we don't fail too badly.

The simple truth ...

I woke up this morning thinking it was 1997 and I was in Melbourne with my ex sleeping beside me.

It took about 2 seconds to realize that I was not.

The weather just did not feel right for Melbourne.

I kissed my love of life on her sleepy head and started my daily routine as usual.

A lot of people take their love life for granted.
I use to do that as well when I was younger.
It never occurred to me that I might end up being alone for the rest of my life.

It's not to say that I am Casanova or anyone with charisma to charm any girl I want.

It's more like I don't think about the subject at all.
There are always things around me to occupy my attention.
And there are always girls that call on me for one thing or another.
Dates these are not.
Mainly as escorts or companions for their lonely hearts.

I end up having good times and not too worried about finding the perfect one.

Pressuring ourselves over these things does not make it any easier or faster.
We need to learn and understand that the matters of the heart cannot be rushed.

As I finished making breakfast for my love, a smile sneaks across my face.
I realized that as of this moment in my life, I am happy as well as content of everything that is before me.

I love you, my dear.
With all my heart and soul.

AAA ...

I had a debate with myself about posting on this addiction of mine.
It scares me to reveal such an obvious weakness to the public.
They would be repercussions.
I am quite certain of it.

But I also know that this is part of the path to becoming well again.

One of the major checkbox item is to acknowledge the issue to ourselves and to the world.
By confronting the issue head on without holding back allows the freedom for us to see things without FEAR OF THE REPURCUSIONS.

It is essential that we (the addict) not allow ourselves 'wiggle room' to deviate from the path of recovery.
Without strong conviction, we would only spiral back into the dark again.

So yeah, I am an addict.
Yes, I have an issue.
And I am going to kick its butt back into the hole it crawled out from.

Oh boobies ...

Day 4.
Body is a bit tired.
Mind still a little groggy.
Over all still going well.
Though quality of temptation has gone up, intensity of temptation has gone down.
Am pretty sure the rebound is going to be a kick in the balls.
Hopefully I don't break too much.

Stick in the mind ...

Like I mentioned yesterday, I am currently in the process of breaking a long time addiction of mine.

No, it's not drugs, gambling, smoking or procrastination.

Simply put, it's sex.
Not sex ... sex.
But the essential traits of sex.

Those close to me knows that I enjoy sexual attention more than anyone else that they know of.

My wife would attest to my constant sexual advances to have a tumble every single day.
It might sound like I am trying to have sexual intercourse but it's not.
I just like to the feeling of euphoria that these actions bring.
Actual intercourse would not give me more state of arousal than a simple fondle from my wife.
So I am not trying to bed every skirt that walks by me.
I just enjoy the state of mind that sexual stimulated actions would bring.

Thus it became an addiction of arousal.
A constant state of 'high' that basically decapitates the normal ability to think clearly. Which would result in a decline of work quality being delivered.

I am not as serious as Tiger Woods ... yet.
And I would like to keep it that way.

Wife is being supportive and is helping me focus on other areas. To channel my mind towards something more constructive. At the mean time helping me relief my urges with butterfly kisses and a lot of loving hugs.

First few days are always a b**tch...

I am not taking my goals lightly.
The whole process is truly an uphill task from the current position I am in.
But the point remains the same.
If I want to recover from my affliction, I will need to bear up all the anxieties and withrawal symptoms.
Its not drugs, if that is whats going through your mind now.
But it is an addiction that garners the same outcome.
Must hold my course.
It is the only way I can move foward as of now.

One thing at a time ...

As my mind and body slowly recovers from my long journey of fatigue and doldrums, I venture again into the world of intrigue and mysteries.

In the past few years, my mind have been growing dull and slow.
For no other reason than the instability of my emotions and health.
The physical sickness is but a manifestation of what my heart feels.
A very accurate if not painful reflection of how I feel inside.

Occasionally I would walk into the center of the storm and see without all the rain and mist shrouding my eyes. And it would be short and uneventful.

Only to serve as a reminder of what I could be doing and should be achieving.

Maybe GOD heard my prayer and took pity of me.
As somehow through a miracle of some sort, a path of redemption is shown to me and I partook it with eagerness.

Of what outcome would it bring?
I can't say.
But it would be a better one of which that I am in now.
The wound still bleeds whenever I see how far I have fallen.

I would strive to stand again.
One thing at a time, as the wise would advise.

...
..
.

One thing at a time.

Where the straits got its name ...

Am currently in Malacca.
The land of exotic history and mysteries.
Where red painted house does not always means its a firehouse.

Will be spending another night here relieving much of the accumulated stress for the pass few months.

A lot of cars for such a simple little town.
A lot of shopping malls for such a simple little town too.

Will post some pics up if I get the chance.

Stiffling the voice ...

The strangest thing happening now.

I was trying to call the general number for UNIFI from my mobile and it kept telling me that "The number that you have called is not in service".

Its a 1300 number and its NOT in service?
Thats bullshit right?

So I thought maybe I got the wrong number, so I dialled up 103 for phone directory assistance.

They gave me the SAME number.
And again the tone replied me that "The number that you have dialled is not in service".

By that time I was rather pissed with TM because they somehow manage to even screw up their 1300 support number.

How lame can that be right?

Yet somewhere deep down I refuse to believe that even TM can be that screwed up.
So I went down to a payphone, dropped 20 cents in and dialled the 1300 number.
Behold ... there was a ringtone and I was connected to the appropriate service consultant.

Long story short.
I began to think that it was my phone that was playing tricks on me.
So I got my wife, my sister and my father to call the same 1300 number through their mobile.

And All of them got "The number that you have dialled is not in service".

Thus concluding my suspicion.
Our mobile network was playing a dangerous game of denying its competitors number to be used within their network.

What was it?
That maybe the 1300 numbers are not supported?
So I tried a different 1300 number, the one used by Maybank.
The result was every single call got through without a hitch.

Only the Unifi 1300 number was denied serviced.

Thus brings to light the question of what the hell is our biggest mobile network in Malaysia doing?

I put to you to test this out.

If your on a Maxis line here are the numbers to call.
UNIFI Support line : 1300 88 1221 or 1300 88 1222

Tested on other mobile nerworks like Digi, Celcom, TM where all of them connected without issue.

I personally do not want to believe that Maxis would do something like this to hamper a competitors market. But as of this posting, non of the maxis users can call UNIFI support.

This is rather disturbing.
Really disturbing.

If only all the airlines did this ...

The air hostess is just way too cute... :)

Monday night fever ...

I have been falling sick at least once a month for the past year or so.

It's not something that I am proud of.
Like for instance, I am sick again today.

Fever to be specific.

Been having them quite often that so much so I sometimes don't even want to go see a doctor for them because I have most of the medication for it in my own medicine cabinet. But alas without going to the clinic I won't be able to get the medical cheat that I need for the leave application.

So I go see them due to that.

This time though the fever as it is in the current form was not too bad.
Normally I would still go to work when I am in this kind of situation.
But it is not like normal.
This time the joints in my legs is in serious pain.
Like there is something burning mighty in it.
Walking becomes a long lesson in serious anger management.
Thus I am again forced to take leave because of it.
I just could not commute to work.

Yet I believe its setting a bad precedence in the office.
But there is nothing that I can do about it when it's my own body that is causing all this fuss.

I can't actually send it a warning letter to impress on it the importance of maintaining a good example to the other parts of my body who frequently express their "grievance" in the most excruciating way possible.

If I was my own boss, I would have fired my ass.
I would.
But I hope he won't.
Stupid immunity system and its gung ho attitude.